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Work that has helped heal me…

Whew, what a day today was. It’s 8pm and I just had two iced coffees, oh my! I am feeling hyper. Perfect time to write. I did not write yesterday, but I gave myself a buffer day by writing on Sunday, so I’m still on track. 

I hate to admit that it’s so hard for me to sit and write. I suppose it will get better as I do it this month, and hopefully a routine that will stick even after #CampNanoWriMo is over. 

Today we had a gardening job to do in the early afternoon and when I got home I was so wiped out. I was extremely dirty, my wrist had a band of dirt where my watch was, so I took a shower and then fell asleep. When I woke up I had a bunch of work tasks to do, thus leading me to the two iced coffees so I could feel alive. 😆 

I guess it works out because tonight is a full moon, so it’s time to do our witchy shenanigans and probably stay up late. I don’t have to be up early tomorrow! Woohoo! 

I wrote a post about my full moon rituals before, but tonight we’ll be doing tarot, oracle cards, candles with intentions, and clearing the room with rosemary. Just like writing, I wish I had a better spiritual routine where I practiced every day. 

Some days I will get up and do tarot and journal about it, and then do it before bed as well, but other days I feel so run down with life and my work/life balance. It’s a constant struggle and some days are easier than others. I must say I have been a lot better with my time management, and I just found this handy tool to use for time tracking: 

Does anyone else work from home and for themselves here? How do you manage your work/life balance? It can feel like you’re always working, then there are extremely light days. Or times when clients don’t need as much that month and then you struggle to keep up financially. It’s a roller coaster! But I do love it. 

Before I was working from home I was a preschool teacher for 12 years. I also started to do birth and postpartum doula work, and was a nanny and babysitter in between those 12 years. I would work weekends too. It was exhausting but I was much younger and more in shape so I could handle it.

I loved working with families and children, especially in the home. I have always enjoyed cleaning and organizing other people’s stuff, so I would do housekeeping for those I nannied for. 

I got my first nanny job when I was 19, so pretty close to after my mom’s murder. I was still in the very raw, painful days, but working with families helped me heal. 

I was such a spoiled rotten kid that when my mom passed away when I was 18,  I didn’t even know how to do laundry or boil water. I had to learn all of that, and the mother of the family I worked for graciously took me under her wing and taught me everything. She showed me how to make the beds even. 

I felt like part of the family with every family I worked for, and it worked well with my PTSD because I was usually off before it was dark.

Working with pregnant women and watching babies be born was also another extremely healing thing for me- I even got to witness one home birth. 

Watching babies be born so gently and be ushered in with so much love was such a contrast to the violent way my mom died. Something about it really helped me and of course, every time a new baby was born it brought tears to my eyes. 

I always thought if I had a baby I’d want to have a home birth, but now I think I’m too old. I would have a geriatric pregnancy. I spent the last 3 years thinking I would never have children, but now it’s a possibility again. Being a lesbian it’s much harder and more expensive, of course, so I’m not sure if it will happen for me. I’m already 35 so I don’t have much time- but we’ll see.

The possibility of being a mother is so wonderful but also terrifying. I wonder if I would be able to handle it at all with my PTSD and mental health issues, and if having a child would trigger my mother wounds too intensely. I’ll have to think on that much more, as well as save a shit ton of money, lol! 

Well, I will see you tomorrow! XOXO!

If you like my blog, please consider joining me on Patreon to see my exclusive blog posts. I hope to see you there! Thank you for reading. 


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