Over the last 16 years since my mom’s murder I’ve dealt with grief in many ways. First not at all, then kicking and screaming because I didn’t want to, then to a place of acceptance that I am in fact grieving, and will be for the rest of my life. It’s still not always easy, but it’s definitely been a lot easier on me lately.
One of the ways I deal with my grief currently is by making time for it. My favorite time to do this is before bed or early in the morning when I first wake up. I’ve found that if I don’t make the time for it, it will come out at the most inopportune times. I feel the nudge inside my heart that tells me it’s coming, so I’ll put on songs I know will make me cry. I will sit in the sadness and let it run its course. I’ll allow myself to feel sorry for myself and the huge loss I’ve endured, at least while the music is on. Sometimes I’ll put the song on repeat so I can really let it all out. Once I’ve let enough out for the day, I’ll be done, and back to my normal routine.
The other thing that’s working for me right now is writing it out. I have a beautiful journal for my morning pages. What I love about morning pages is that it’s free writing (which is also scary for me! It’s getting easier the more I do it!), so no worries about grammar, spelling, or even making sense. Just letting everything out without judgment or worry of who will see it. This is a safe way for me to express all of my feelings about grief, especially the ugly feelings I wouldn’t want to say out loud to anyone.
Bonus! Two of my favorite songs to cry to:
Somewhere Out There by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram
In My Life by Wallis Bird
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[…] those of you who are new here, my mother was murdered and I survived attempted murder in 2006 when I was 18 years old. Someone broke into our house and attacked us with a knife, but I […]